What Kind Of Zombie Will You Want To Be ?


by Robert Perkis

Of all the fairy tale monsters that go bump in the night, zombies are the most possible, indeed the most probable and may already walk among us.

For you see, the zombie story requires no magical mystical attributes to make zombification take place. Forms of zombie plague may outbreak due to bacteria, virus, toxic waste, chemical gas and nano-tech super science.

It is a valid topic of debate, whether a body must first be totally dead to become a zombie or if a combination of existing chemical and diseases can create viable forms of a living walking dead.

Until we get the opportunity to study patient zero of the zombie infestation we won’t know the causal type of infestation we’re dealing with.

What we will have a good idea of, is what type of zombie you will become modeled on yourself.

Excluding injury and bite damage a strong healthy person will become a strong “healthy” zombie.

For example: Zombies do not heal. If you are without hair and or teeth, so will your zombie form. Can’t see well in the dark or without contacts or glasses (we hear most zombies don’t blink) you won’t see as well as the 20/20 zombies. Zombies require good hearing to find their prey. If you want to be a successful zombie, keep your ears clean.

Zombies do not feel pain. Therefore if you can’t walk the walk due to an injury or osteoarthritic ankle or knee, odds are your zombie form will have the same infirmity. However, if the problem is simply pain, zombies will ignore or not feel pain and soldier on.

Decide if you want your zombie form to prosper. If so dress for success. Say you favor flip flops foot wear your zombie will soon go barefoot. On the other hand if you’re wearing top quality hiking boots when you turn, you can avoid being one of those zombies with worn out soleless shoes flopping around the ankles.

Zombie underwear is a stinky subject. No one knows what happens to what zombies eat as they appear to lack a working digestive and circulatory system. Some have suggested their heart may beat once a minute or less to circulate some form of blood sludge to nourish parts of the body that animate the corpse.

If zombies do pass whatever they consume as some form of waste product, the best option may be to wear a one piece jumpsuit or super science suit, second choice overalls or to wear baggy loose fitting pants with a strong stretch waist band or a near impossible to remove dress, in all cases without underwear so as not to create a buildup of waste material and to save your zombie form from walking dead pants full around the ankles syndrome.

Another tough topic is whether to equip your zombie form with protective gear such as a good strap on army helmet to keep bullets out of the brain pan. If you’re on the side of the human race you won’t even think about it.


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